is LONELY, SAD and CRUEL! It takes someone who is very committed to be in a SEXLESS Marriage. Let's get this out of the way - No, my marriage hasn't always been sexless. I am 46 years old, and my husband is 45 and we have been married for 26 years and we have 2 teenage daughters. I am a stay at home mom so I do not work outside the home.
We met at a holiday party, but we were there with other dates. His date was a fellow co worker of mine. Ha, what are the chances of that?! Anyway, a few days after the party her and I got to talking about him and at the time I thought he was her husband because well, she was married. But I soon found out he wasn't. She told me they were no longer dating. Once I heard her reason I should have run the other way and never looked back. She said to me, "he is nice, but he isn't an animal in bed." LOL. I know it sounds funny BUT, those words have forever haunted me. That should have been my first clue that this guy was not the one for me!
Ahh, sometimes we are so blind....and stupid. We do things before we really sit down and think about it.. Let me tell you, some things need to be thought out prior to doing them. It's better to take precautions before hand or you may end up regretting something most of your life.
That is just where I find myself today. REGRET! It plays heavy on my mind, day in and day out. I just can't seem to get away from it no matter how hard I try. My husband is generally a good man, but this no sex marriage is eating me (no pun intended) away! Sex is every where, OK except here at my house. You can't even watch a good movie these days without there being sexual content of some sort, and don't even get me started on music. I swear 99.9% of all music refers to sex. So, it's not like I can just forget about sex, because every time I turn around it is being thrown in my face. All this does for me is say, "You who, look what you are missing!"
Which brings me to.....Why can't couples be matched based on their requirement for sex and the frequency of it? I'll tell you why, because life would be so wonderful if it weren't. We wouldn't have much to bitch about because we all know sex is everything in a relationship? WRONG. But, it is a HUGE part of it. I spend my days daydreaming of what could have been and what if. Let me say, this is no way to live your life, especially a happy fulfilling one. I may joke about all of this, but really deep down inside of me I am dying. Or maybe I am already dead and this is what it feels like.
So, I guess the big question is WHEN did the marriage transform into a SEXLESS one? Ahh, that is such a good question, but a hard one to answer. Even looking back now I cannot answer that question. It's like I just woke up one day and realized all of this. No, that isn't true. I have known and I have tried MANY countless times to talk with my husband about this. He sits and listens, well maybe he isn't listening but he is pretending to. I go on and on about wanting sex, needing sex and what do I get from him? Not a whole lot I can tell ya that! If I did I wouldn't find myself sitting here writing this blog. It seems I always hear the same thing. Things will change I promise. But do they ever, hell no! I have letters written about how he will change and how much sex we are gonna have. HA! Lies, all lies.
I use to think it was just sex I was missing out on, but now I know it is much more than "just sex" I am missing. I want a soul mate who I can get down and dirty with. LOL. Seriously though I need so much more than sex. I need someone I can connect with physically, mentally, emotionally and all that jazz. I want to be able to look over at my husband and him give me that look that says, I love you, you are my soul, my everything and I want to SHOW you that by making love to you! Oh come on, you know that marriage is all about two souls becoming one, not two souls becoming further apart. But I have never had this in my marriage. OK, stop right there. I can hear you saying, "well lady if it's so bad get out of your marriage." Ahh, if only........
We got married at 20 & 19. Why? Because we were in love damn it!! Or at least we thought we were. Honestly, I have no idea what the hell I was thinking and that is the problem, I wasn't thinking. Why hadn't my Mom said um no, you are not getting married dumb shit. I really wish she had.
There is so many other factors in this marriage, but I will save those for another day. I can't give out all my secrets on the first day of my new blog. Check back soon for my next post. Too much thinking and writing has over worked my brain and now I just really feel shitty. Something that happens quite frequently to me after thinking about all this. Until next time......
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