Here i sit as i do so many nights feeling down and lonely. I am at my wits end here. i have got to figure out a plan for my life. i am not getting any younger and the older i get the more depressed i get from this whole situation. i feel like i have wasted most of my good years here in this sexless marriage.
The thing is that if i initiated sex with my husband we would probably have sex. But, i told myself a long time ago that I would not initiate sex ever again with him. so we will never have sex again because he doesnt initiate anything. Here is the weird thing..... I don't even want sex from him anymore. The last time we had sex which was over 2 1/2 years ago it felt extremely awkward to me. I can count on my fingers how many times we have had sex in the last 8 years. It's sad when you know your teenaged daughter is getting more action than you are. I am so angry at him and find myself having ill feelings about the whole situation. I just feel like I am missing out on so much love and tenderness. I would love to just be held in someones arms. I want so badly to feel connected with someone before I get to old to enjoy it.
I just find it hard to plan on leaving. I need the $ fairy to drop some cash off. I dont work outside the home so that makes it difficult to leave when you have no job and kids. If I had money none of this would even be an issue. I have told him that as well. He knows if I were ever to win the lottery I would be gone! Hmm, probably why he never buys lotto tickets!
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